I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
