I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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