Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
