i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
