I wish I only lived at night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
