Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
