I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
