We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
50% drunk capacity currently
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
