I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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