Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
