I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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