Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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