I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Michael Bay diarrhea
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
