just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
