I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
