So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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