Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
