You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had sex on a dog bed..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
