I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
