Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
