I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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