You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My bed smells like the plague
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
