I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
