i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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