Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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