There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
