"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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