can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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