If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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