Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
