Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
