I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i love accidental penises.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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