did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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