I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
