So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
