put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
