Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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