I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
