I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
