Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
