i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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