and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
