she looked like the before picture.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
