me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
