Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
