I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
