I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
