How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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