i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
