Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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