oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
