I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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