i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
