I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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