I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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