id be glad to
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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